It's 4:50 pm exactly, when to finish? I don't need to hurry today, son's father is travelling, son you know left home back in 2020. I wasn't home since morning, neither in great mood, unwilling to speak elaborate. As I say, people like me carry lot of emotional baggages, we pick up. It's okay but weight feels heavier as I age. I can't avoid baggages either, hold tight! It's engagement for me, an idle self's favourite pastime.
On several occasions son's father told attachments, expectations causes sorrow. It feels thankful he doesn't shower instructions, do's & don'ts, else what? I would have rented space in Barasat, worked in a school that made me feel important, gave me meaty subjects to teach, made me feel trustworthy at age 22-23.
Where is Ruma? She had been gentle, sincere, studious girl from backward section of society. Her family valued education. She told me how her eldest brother wished to do higher studies, was forced to join Kalyani Hospital's administrative department post graduation following father. He bore educational expenses of Ruma, her sister, youngest brother. I am looking for her since years, forgot second name. She visited our Barrackpore home two times, after our masters classes gave over. She persuaded me to face MPhil interview at the Jadavpur University saying, "no worries, SBRC would be in interview board"; I laughed, told my heart beats louder for him, not his. The word "Interview" is fearful. Thereafter, she visited home one day, saying she joined Bagula College, they require part-time lecturer, in both cases I lacked confidence. May be I was more interested in filling BEd form at Kalyani University, in case I get to see sir DS everyday, I finally did it from RBU. I was doing all these when man was sailing, gifting me Clinique, Elizabeth Arden, Este Lauder, Swarovsky! Fickle minded? I don't know if love, infatuations, commitments, responsibilities can walk together, humans are polygamous in nature I believe. This one man, one woman throughout life is big lie, scam. Partners need to be friendly to understand this, restore peace!
Ruma & I last met on my marriage day, I was happy our mother gave away my notebooks to her. This story I told earlier, I wish to reconnect. I may ask another professor about her, my comfort level with him had been deep, such deep that one day he told me Ruma got infatuated towards him, that he doesn't feel same towards her. Relationships are never easy, but complicated. I know who he liked, his romantic feeling was divided among two of my girlfriends. You bet, this too can happen. I heard his better half teaches in college, may be they have a son. Last I wrote to him was to invite him on our son's rice feeding ceremony, he couldn't attend. I wanted him to visit us, didn't anticipating man, him may get into arguments; both were leftists; man had been SFI leader in college, Sir was Naxalite, that period student union in Presidency college had been. May be his rigid political stand didn't let him position in prestigious Calcutta University. He would often quote from Marx, followed his teaching, taught Communist Manifesto. Till date he perhaps stays in Tangra Housing Estate, both teaches in college. I wouldn't ask son to follow sir, but his father's footsteps.
What are we? The man is an Elitist Leftist, every evening needs Scotch. I may be social democrat or just humanist. What is son? He isn't left minded we know. Some other day we may talk about few others, Kunal sir, Hazra sir, even BEd department teachers at RBU. During final viva, my terror, they were compassionate just because I was newly married, yet sacrificed honeymoon to attend practice teaching, workshops. I smile remembering how generous, gentle HOD of BEd did not like my projects, cut outs, paintings I am too poor at. Man who was on leave, his sister did projects for me. The other students were too good at those, eye catching works. I loved the second paper most, psychology! Our mother was major supporter, my brother, daddy, mother-in-law had no interest, father-in-law silently appreciated my journey. I did nothing with the degrees.
I never feel if I worked I could have amassed gold, I believe if we get economically independent, we become valuable members of society. I have no restrictions in life, neither I am major decision maker. You can't be neither I want, my brain matter, that makes this home peaceful. I dislike men interfering in kitchen matters, that is enraging. Man doesn't, his focus shifts. He hardly minds my solo afternoon walks, food.
I don't mind clicking my sweaty self, condition improved after I started losing weight! Let me wrap, share recipe of this oil-free vegetarian snack; STEAMED OIL-FREE FLUFFY DELIGHT, its vegan & gluten-free. I came across similar recipe by one Keralite blogger, Bengali blogger; I see Phillipines, Malaysia, South East Asia cook similar kinds. I used rice flour, coconut, yeast, sugar, cooked rice following reels, garnished it with dried cranberries, blueberries. Whilst I continue to blog, there may be gaps. There are major decisions, changes awaiting us, we want or not. Thats heart wrenching, we must accept reality. I don't live in reality but in dream utopia! But reality, facts prevail, not dreams, that causes me hurt, yet I can't be practical! Deep inside, I enjoy my obsessions, none would I allow to dictate my course of life, my man is friend, our weird son is love, who to fear? They give me space. I have always handled myself with dignity, what to fear about? We shouldn't force entry to places we are not welcomed, wanted. You may ask why do I peep here and there if my men and family love me? Trust me, I don't, it happens, I get stuck unknowingly!
INGREDIENTS :
RICE FLOUR : 1/2 COFFEE MUG
SHREDDED COCONUT : 5-6 TBSP
COOKED RICE : 2-3 TBSP
YEAST : 1 TSP
SALT : A PINCH OR TWO
SUGAR : 2-3 TBSP [YOU MAY NEED MORE]
WARM COCONUT MILK : AS REQUIRED FOR PASTE LIKE CONSISTENCY
BLUEBERRIES : A HANDFUL
DRIED CRANBERRIES : A HANDFUL
PROCEDURE :
Blend to fine paste. Transfer to deep bottomed vessel.
Wash blueberries & dried cranberries. Add maximum to batter, mix. Cover vessel with lid, keep inside microwave oven for 2-3 hours.
Grease bowl with few drops of oil, pour batter.
Boil water in manual steamer, place bowl with batter on top. Steam covered at low heat for 30 minutes or until cooked, insert toothpick to know.
Take out, let cool a bit, loosen sides, turn over onto a plate.
Enjoy with choice of beverage.























