AN EASY MADE MIXED FRUIT SPREAD

Writing blogpost I enjoy, today I am unwell since mid-morning! I ain't under weather, stomach ache troubling, it has gotten weak. I was asked to quit meat in 1994 by Dr.Nan, also to eat less of greens & vegetables, I have chronic Colitis he warned parents. Then, I can quit chicken, not mutton. I have to eat leafy greens, vegetables. I have constipation, I need enough fibres. We request health experts in respective fields to sit together, write uniform rule books in respective fields of expertise, else it gets confusing for us! I had been vocal about it for sometime now. I think thick lentil crepe, local style greens, black chana sabzi, cheese slice Mac chicken muffin I had recently jointly caused me stomach pain while on my walk this morning. I went to the following area after long, about 7-8 jackfruit trees were chopped, your sorrow affects your physical health, we don't need degrees to know this.

We may discuss about each when I share on my social media handles. I repeat eat, can't digest big meals, it became an issue. A diabetic can't have Munchi pancakes, local chilled desserts regular. I enjoy chilled pasta+choice of fruit tossed in oil. I liked chicken muffin, thr breakfast items were still being served, felt muffin buns are better than burger buns, cheese slice caused trouble. Not anymore hot Americano coffee tastes bitter, my stomach cannot stand milk, sugar. I didn't go too far from residence. I have soft corners for birds, animals, not yet ready to adapt veganism, gluten-free diets. One shouldn't eat anything moving like man, son! We may eat chicken, fish, seafood regular; mutton, beef, pork at times, cleaned well. Turning vegan is good move, requires strong will power!

Dr. Nan's nursing home was tiny, but too clean. Post surgery, for long I would drop down at Tala Park bus stop, look for his residence, not to gate crash. Also, he was 60+, I was 24. I kept doing it even after Dr. Gobinda Sen assessed strong anaesthesia may have been a reason for my mental issues. Dr. Govinda Sen was nice too, last year I read there has one mental hospital in his name there. I would look for it, curiosity isn't bad always. The same fear came back in December, 2024. It's not health experts' fault, it's my weak, fear mongering self, sure.  Why did I look for Dr. Nan, is it gratitude? The psychology within is complex, interesting but. Even in past years, I searched internet about him until last year when a friend told family knew Dr. Nan's, no one from his family became doctor after him, may be all kids went to the school we went. Which friend told I forgot. If I don't get my brain working, I may have dementia! 

My life is ruled by fears, I can't bypass any, I have accepted I have to live with it until my end. I don't want to stay at home 24/7, I must go out everyday, love walks. I dislike anyone instructing me about what I do, what I don't! Above are few of dishes I cooked last weekend. You cannot say I don't care for my family!

Home cooked meals are best. I am scared of gram-flour, never liked "besan toasts", liked thin coated, low oil "besan toasts" few days back. Our tastebuds keep changing. The son, his father wouldn't ever have "besan toasts, muri-gur-narkol", I never force.

Making condiments, pickles / jam / jelly was regular in family. The mother bought bottle of Kissan mixed fruit jam every month, herself made few varieties; guava, mango, pineapple. She used pectin, did in bulk. I use lemon as preservative, make in small batch, else spoils. We need chemical preservatives for longevity. 

I prepared this AN EASY MADE MIXED FRUIT SPREAD last May. Any day, I can eat toasted bread thickly coated with butter & spread. Earlier, I learnt about differences among spread, jam, compote, jelly; now forgot. Calling it spread is safer. I made it using few ingredients; raw mango, green grapes, sugar, permitted food colour, lemon juice! It's tasty, vegan. gluten-free, dairy-free. What else? There's no point knowing other's motives, intents, more I know, sorrow awaits. Instead, I would cook, read, write, listen to music, do Tai Chi, swim, walk!

INGREDIENTS :

GRAPE JUICE : 1 COFFEE MUG

RAW MANGO PASTE : OF 2 STANDARD SIZED

SUGAR : 1/2 SMALL TEA CUP

EDIBLE GREEN FOOD COLOUR : 2-3 DROPS [I USED CAKE MAKING ESSENCES]

LEMON JUICE : OF ONE BIG LEMON

PROCEDURE :

I washed, blended two handful of grapes adding little water. 

Thereafter, I strained it to extract juice.

Cristine, peeled, washed, cut small the mangoes. 

I blended them to get a paste discarding seeds.

I put for boil everything together except lemon juice, food colour.

I kept stirring, added food colour, lemon juice towards end. 

Its done when mixture comes out clean from wok.

Once cold, transfer to sterilised jar, preferably of glass.

STEAMED OIL-FREE FLUFFY DELIGHT

 It's 4:50 pm exactly, when to finish? I don't need to hurry today, son's father is travelling, son you know left home back in 2020. I wasn't home since morning, neither in great mood, unwilling to speak elaborate. As I say, people like me carry lot of emotional baggages, we pick up. It's okay but weight feels heavier as I age. I can't avoid baggages either, hold tight! It's engagement for me, an idle self's favourite pastime. 

On several occasions son's father told attachments, expectations causes sorrow. It feels thankful he doesn't shower instructions, do's & don'ts, else what? I would have rented space in Barasat, worked in a school that made me feel important, gave me meaty subjects to teach, made me feel trustworthy at age 22-23. 

Where is Ruma? She had been gentle, sincere, studious girl from backward section of society. Her family valued education. She told me how her eldest brother wished to do higher studies, was forced to join Kalyani Hospital's administrative department post graduation following father. He bore educational expenses of Ruma, her sister, youngest brother. I am looking for her since years, forgot second name. She visited our Barrackpore home two times, after our masters classes gave over. She persuaded me to face MPhil interview at the Jadavpur University saying, "no worries, SBRC would be in interview board"; I laughed, told my heart beats louder for him, not his. The word "Interview" is fearful. Thereafter, she visited home one day, saying she joined Bagula College, they require part-time lecturer, in both cases I lacked confidence. May be I was more interested in filling BEd form at Kalyani University, in case I get to see sir DS everyday, I finally did it from RBU. I was doing all these when man was sailing, gifting me Clinique, Elizabeth Arden, Este Lauder, Swarovsky! Fickle minded? I don't know if love, infatuations, commitments, responsibilities can walk together, humans are polygamous in nature I believe. This one man, one woman throughout life is big lie, scam. Partners need to be friendly to understand this, restore peace!

Ruma & I last met on my marriage day, I was happy our mother gave away my notebooks to her. This story I told earlier, I wish to reconnect. I may ask another professor about her, my comfort level with him had been deep, such deep that one day he told me Ruma got infatuated towards him, that he doesn't feel same towards her. Relationships are never easy, but complicated. I know who he liked, his romantic feeling was divided among two of my girlfriends. You bet, this too can happen. I heard his better half teaches in college, may be they have a son. Last I wrote to him was to invite him on our son's rice feeding ceremony, he couldn't attend. I wanted him to visit us, didn't anticipating man, him may get into arguments; both were leftists; man had been SFI leader in college, Sir was Naxalite, that period student union in Presidency college had been. May be his rigid political stand didn't let him position in prestigious Calcutta University. He would often quote from Marx, followed his teaching, taught Communist Manifesto. Till date he perhaps stays in Tangra Housing Estate, both teaches in college. I wouldn't ask son to follow sir, but his father's footsteps. 

What are we? The man is an Elitist Leftist, every evening needs Scotch. I may be social democrat or just humanist. What is son? He isn't left minded we know. Some other day we may talk about few others, Kunal sir, Hazra sir, even BEd department teachers at RBU. During final viva, my terror, they were compassionate just because I was newly married, yet sacrificed honeymoon to attend practice teaching, workshops. I smile remembering how generous, gentle HOD of BEd did not like my projects, cut outs, paintings I am too poor at. Man who was on leave, his sister did projects for me. The other students were too good at those, eye catching works. I loved the second paper most, psychology! Our mother was major supporter, my brother, daddy, mother-in-law had no interest, father-in-law silently appreciated my journey. I did nothing with the degrees.

I never feel if I worked I could have amassed gold, I believe if we get economically independent, we become valuable members of society. I have no restrictions in life, neither I am major decision maker. You can't be neither I want, my brain matter, that makes this home peaceful. I dislike men interfering in kitchen matters, that is enraging. Man doesn't,  his focus shifts. He hardly minds my solo afternoon walks, food.

I don't mind clicking my sweaty self, condition improved after I started losing weight! Let me wrap, share recipe of this oil-free vegetarian snack; STEAMED OIL-FREE FLUFFY DELIGHT, its vegan & gluten-free. I came across similar recipe by one Keralite blogger, Bengali blogger; I see Phillipines, Malaysia, South East Asia cook similar kinds. I used rice flour, coconut, yeast, sugar, cooked rice following reels, garnished it with dried cranberries, blueberries. Whilst I continue to blog, there may be gaps. There are major decisions, changes awaiting us, we want or not. Thats heart wrenching, we must accept reality. I don't live in reality but in dream utopia! But reality, facts prevail, not dreams, that causes me hurt, yet I can't be practical! Deep inside, I enjoy my obsessions, none would I allow to dictate my course of life, my man is friend, our weird son is love, who to fear? They give me space. I have always handled myself with dignity, what to fear about? We shouldn't force entry to places we are not welcomed, wanted. You may ask why do I peep here and there if my men and family love me? Trust me, I don't, it happens, I get stuck unknowingly!

INGREDIENTS :

RICE FLOUR : 1/2 COFFEE MUG

SHREDDED COCONUT : 5-6 TBSP

COOKED RICE : 2-3 TBSP

YEAST : 1 TSP

SALT : A PINCH OR TWO

SUGAR : 2-3 TBSP [YOU MAY NEED MORE]

WARM COCONUT MILK : AS REQUIRED FOR PASTE LIKE CONSISTENCY

BLUEBERRIES : A HANDFUL

DRIED CRANBERRIES : A HANDFUL

PROCEDURE :

Take all ingredients in blender except blueberries & cranberries.

Blend to fine paste. Transfer to deep bottomed vessel.

Wash blueberries & dried cranberries. Add maximum to batter, mix. Cover vessel with lid, keep inside microwave oven for 2-3 hours.

Grease bowl with few drops of oil, pour batter.

Boil water in manual steamer, place bowl with batter on top. Steam covered at low heat for 30 minutes or until cooked, insert toothpick to know.

Take out, let cool a bit, loosen sides, turn over onto a plate.

Enjoy with choice of beverage.