Its 4:50 pm exactly, don't know when to finish! I don't need to hurry today, son's father is travelling, son you know left home in 2020. I wasn't home since morning, neither I am in great mood. I think I ain't willing to speak elaborate today, later may be if I feel like. As I always say, people like me carry lot of emotional baggages, we pick up. I am okay with it, the weight feels heavier as I age. I can't avoid baggages either, hold tight! Its engagement for me, an idle self's favourite pastime.
On several occasions son's father told attachments, expectations are causes of sorrow. It feels thankful he doesn't fill my life with instructions, do's & don'ts, else what? I would have rented an space in Barasat, worked in the school that gave me importance, meaty subjects, made me feel trustworthy at age 22-23.
Where is Ruma? A gentle, sincere, studious girl from backward section of society. But her family valued education. She told me how her eldest brother wished to do higher studies, was forced to join their father as administrative staff at Kalyani Hospital after graduation, how he wished to make Ruma, another sister, youngest brother well educated. I am frantically looking for her for years, forgot her title. She ran to our Barrackpore home two times, after our masters classes gave over. She persuaded me to face MPhil interview at Jadavpur University saying, "no worries, SBRC would be in interview board"; I laughed, told my heart beats louder for him, not his for me. "Interview" word is fearful. Thereafter, she visited home one day, saying she joined Bagula College, they require part-time lecturer, in both cases I lacked confidence. May be I was more interested in filling BEd form at Kalyani University, in case I get to see sir DS everyday, anyway I did the course from RBU. I was doing all these when man was sailing, gifting me Clinique, Elizabeth Arden, Este Lauder, Swarovsky! Was it treachery? I don't know if love, infatuations, commitments, responsibilities can walk together, humans are polygamous in nature I believe. This one man, one woman throughout life is big lie, scam. Partners need to be friendly to restore peace!
I was happy to give away my notebooks to her. This story I told earlier, I wish to reconnect. I may ask another professor about her, my comfort level with him had been deep, such deep that one day he told me may be Ruma got infatuated towards him, that he doesn't feel same towards her. Relationships are never easy, but complicated. I know who he liked, his romantic feeling was divided among two of my girlfriends. I hear his better half teaches in college, may be they have son. Last I wrote him was to invite him on our son's rice feeding ceremony, he couldn't make it. I wished him to visit us, never did anticipating man and him may get into arguments; both were leftists; but man was SFI leader in college, Sir was Naxalite, that time student union in Presidency college was. I believe his rigid political stand didn't let him hold position in prestigious Calcutta University. He quoted us from Marx always, lived by it. Till date I hear he stays in Tangra Housing Estate, both teaches in college. I myself wouldn't ask son to follow sir, but his father's footsteps.
What are we then? The man is an Elitist Leftist, every evening needs Scotch. I may be social democrat or just a humanist. What is son? Not left minded we know. Some other day we may talk about few others, Kunal sir, Hazra sir, even BEd department teachers at RBU. During final viva, which I was / am poor at, they were compassionate just because I was newly married, yet sacrificed honeymoon to attend practice teaching, workshops. I smile remembering how the generous, gentle HOD of BEd did not like my projects, cut outs, paintings I am too poor at. Man who was on leave, his sister did the projects for me. The other students were too good at those, eye catching works. I realised I loved second paper, psychology! Our mother was most vocal supporter, my brother, daddy, mother-in-law had no interest, father-in-law silently appreciated my journey. I did nothing with the degrees.
I never feel if I worked I could have amassed gold, I believe if we get economically independent, we become valuable members of society. I have no restrictions in life, neither I am major decision maker. You can't be neither I want, I don't believe in my brain matter, that makes this home peaceful. I dislike men interfering in kitchen matters, that is enraging; man never does, he thinks his focus shifts. He hardly minds me enjoying lonely afternoon walks, food.
I don't mind clicking my sweaty self, condition improved after I lost weight! I don't wish to continue much. Lets share recipe of this oil-free vegetarian snack; STEAMED OIL-FREE FLUFFY DELIGHT, its vegan & gluten-free. I came across similar recipe by a Keralite blogger, a Bengali blogger; I also see Phillipines, Malaysia, South East Asia cooks similar kinds. I used rice flour, coconut, yeast, sugar, cooked rice as seen in reels, improvised bit adding dried cranberries & blueberries. Whilst I continue to blog, there may be gaps. There are major decisions and changes awaiting us, we want or not. Thats bit heart wrenching, but we must accept reality. I don't live in reality but in dream utopia! But the real, facts prevail, not dreams, that causes me hurt, yet I can't be practical! Deep inside, I enjoy my obsessions, none would I allow to dictate my course of life, my man is friend, our weird son is love, who to fear? They give me space. I have always handled myself with dignity, what to fear about? We shouldn't force entry to places we are not welcomed, wanted. You may ask why do I peep here and there if my men and family love me? Trust me, I don't, it happens I get stuck unknowingly!
INGREDIENTS :
RICE FLOUR : 1/2 COFFEE MUG
SHREDDED COCONUT : 5-6 TBSP
COOKED RICE : 2-3 TBSP
YEAST : 1 TSP
SALT : A PINCH OR TWO
SUGAR : 2-3 TBSP [YOU MAY NEED MORE]
WARM WATER : AS REQUIRED FOR PASTE LIKE CONSISTENCY
BLUEBERRIES : A HANDFUL
DRIED CRANBERRIES : A HANDFUL
PROCEDURE :
Take all ingredients in blender except blueberries & cranberries.
Blend to a fine paste. Transfer to a deep bottomed vessel.
Wash blueberries & dried cranberries. Add maximum to batter, mix. Cover vessel with lid, keep inside microwave oven for 2-3 hours.
Grease bowl with few drops of oil, pour batter.
Boil water in manual steamer, place bowl with batter on top. Steam covered at low heat for 30 minutes or until cooked, insert toothpick to know.
Take out, let cool a bit, loosen sides, turn over onto a plate.
Enjoy with choice of beverage.
